I let myself fall backwards.

I don’t bother bracing myself anymore. I’m cutting my knuckles on the sharp edges of my nightmares.

I want to be perfectly numb, but I feel everything at once and it guts me from the center. Leave me for the wolves I’m here for the taking. Call me home like a prayer. Maybe I just need to breathe.

Call me human to remind me why this feeling is endless. Gnawing at the pieces of me that interlace with my conscious- it’s never quite enough, is it? This looks likes extending my limbs far enough to snap. Draining my pores to quench your thirst. Swinging first so that you don’t have a chance to hit. Telling every boy who thought about loving me that I’m a result of my grief and there’s nothing left to give.

And that’s the part where I sink into the vastness of it all- bury myself in smiles that coat darkness and even though the spark is next to me, I don’t care to use it. I don’t care at all.

I let myself fall backwards.