You told me I get one more day to be sad. Burry my face in the mud and let it somehow heal me. Yesterday I felt better and today I feel worse, is that regression? I can tell you’re worrying about me again- it’s always looming over us in a close space we dance around. You lead the steps and I follow. I told you about the night terrors I used to get- how Marissa would sleep outside my doorway to make sure I was okay. This is how I talk about love without calling it what it actually is. Not all of the dreams were scary- I remember the ones that made me feel infinite. Gentle reminders pull me back to safety and I feel hands reach out to hold me and remind me that I’m worthy of sleep. Cut my teeth on sad words covered in nouns. Constantly dissecting the meaning behind dreadful moments in hopes that they somehow dissipate from this space. But I’m glad my friends occupy it- Ask me if I got home safe. Tell me silence is deafening and they won’t stand for it. Leave every conversation with a smile. Start the story over and over until it makes sense- but I make sure to keep the characters the exact same. The plot would be nothing without them- and the plot makes up the beauty and sadness in our lives. It’s the most important part. It’s everything. -AMT ©️