I wake up and I’m seventeen again. Light flooding through my bedroom window. I can still hear the house come alive. I swear it had feelings too.

Now I dream in distant melodies that don’t quite flow. I tell myself it’s a lullaby, but I know the truth. I know it leads to a daydream then a nightmare. I know a piece of my mind still lives there.

Bury it forever.

I remember my dad playing home movies early in the morning. I always wondered why he chose to start the day replaying memories. How it made my heart fold inside out. I felt an ache in my chest and wished sadness didn’t have to present itself in such innocent ways. He’d tell me about all the people crowded infront of the lens and how they live in heaven now. I asked him why they feel so far away. Why the sun shined fiercely in these clips. He told me that one day we will all be together- that’s the whole point.

Now, I can’t find the tapes. I don’t even have a way to watch them back, but I play them in my dreams every night. He lives in that eternal sunshine, just like everyone in the tape. All together like how he promised. Far from here. Far from the house I grew up in. I’m far from seventeen. -AMT ©️