I guess I just feel like I’ve revolved my life around everyone else. Their needs. Plans. Relationships. Families. I’m left busy for everyone else and I’m trying to show up for myself. I love to be needed, that’s the truth. But I need to look inward. I need to understand what I want and need to make time for reflection in order to feel whole or even partially whole. I’m chasing to make everything work in ways that I can’t explain. Trying to feel young and hang onto that last thread because it’s all I got left and I don’t know what’s on the other side of it. I feel like I lost a chunk of my youth and life exhausted me. I feel aged beyond measure and the trauma from the sadness made me numb. How do I feel again? How do I take the discipline that I taught myself and find balance within that? I’m writing it all out. Crying to God and I feel so unworthy because I haven’t thanked him in a long time. Maybe it starts there. Everyone tells me that he’s forgiving, but I guess I need to learn that side of healing.