Sad songs at a coffee shop. The wallpaper peels from the corners of the ceiling. This place never changed. The same noise. The same, shitty coffee. The same company pools around me and it smells nostalgic. I sit calmly like I never left this place. I see the ghost of my younger self walk through the door and she’s wide-eyed and hopeful. She’s a reflection of softness and how gentle that can be. She doesn’t feel the impending doom because she doesn’t have to yet. She is naive in all the right ways and ignores the world while it sharpens its teeth. Then you walk in and the sad music somehow gets louder. I wonder many things. I wonder why you set your life on fire and ate the ashes. I wonder- do you feel happiness? Does the world sting when it rubs salt in your open wounds? Do you think about the meaning of friendship? Do your eyes burn from staring through film reels of the past that play in your mind over and over and over? I hate change because it forces me to own something that I don’t know how to hold. I hate the uncertainty of it and how loneliness echos in the hollow points of my bones- and they ache for days and days. I hate how parts of the story went, but I’m trying to respect each character. But long ago, I took the dirt from the ruins and built a new home. I laced it with pictures of my favorite memories. I leave the door cracked for visitors. I let sadness come and go with the wind. Hours pass and you say we’ll see eachother again soon. I’m not sure what to say back- but I’m at peace with the unknown. I walk away and fall back into the things that start with me. -AMT ©️