Hot gravel hugging the dirt- if you step in you’ll turn to lava. Another girlhood ritual we deemed sacred. A piece of my heart is buried on List Lane. It tugs at the breeze and I’m drawn to it in summer mourning. They filled the pool with concrete, but kept the lifeguard stand in tact. An eerie reminder that nothing can save you if you neglect it. We climbed the ladder like a mountain. Gripped the rusted bars and prayed it wouldn’t cave in. Your mom repainted the swing set but the paint started chipping. Skinned knees and sloppy summer salts. Marmalade skies. We ate up every last drop before the world dug is claws in. I remember driving to your house the day I told you my dad was sick. Girlhood was coming to a forced halt and I wanted to redeem it with every part of me. We went to List Lane and sat for hours. Your eyes meshed with colors of the trees and I wanted to prevent the storm- I felt the tragedy rolling in from miles away. I wanted to be brave. I wanted to keep every jagged edge of my crumbling spirit away from you. Said the world isn’t forgiving, and I don’t need to be sorry for a fucking thing. We held onto girlhood through it, and you taught me how to keep it close, even when I was tired of carrying. I wish everyone was like you. I wish everyone could live on List Lane. I wish everyone could pick dandelions from the cracked cement and look at it like a bouquet of roses- just how we did. Beneath every sharp corner and hollowed edge, I’m that girl roaming List Lane- wide eyed and bold. Im still peeling chipped paint off that swing set. I’m homesick for my youth. -AMT©️