I’m not crying, I’m letting the ocean leave me. I’ve been drowning for years and can’t catch my breath. I’ve always hated swimming, but when life throws you in the deep end you have to learn how to tread water.

I wonder what part of me would have bloomed fully if you had stayed. Maybe it would have turned into a compass rose that led me back to the beginning. Before sadness wrapped its fingers around my neck and said, “suffer in the numbness”.

I’m covered in bruises from pinching myself to wake up. Yesterday, I had a dream that I was underwater. I finally crashed through the center and gulped the cold air like a promise. Saltwater stung my eyes- I swear it wasn’t tears. -AMT ©️