I wish I could be stronger. I’m not the friend I once was. Everything feels heavy before it breaks- the weight hits your chest before you fall. Pressure builds. Steals your breath. Cracks your bones. Makes your brain rattle until suddenly everything stops.

If I were to break my teeth from talking too much then the fragments would follow me everywhere- but you love the color red, and I’ll keep bleeding just to make you smilie.

If I had the power to change the world, I’d sit with strangers who eat alone in restaurants. Cut off the dead ends of every plant so it has a fighting chance to grow fully. Hold my mom’s hands forever and ever. I’m not sure what any of this would change. Maybe there’s a selfish part of me that needs to keep up with the fight because she doesn’t know any better. The comfort in chaos and solace in suffering- it bites you early on and the poison never leaves.

So if I’m falling all over myself, please let me be. And if I’m not who you thought I was then pray for the version of me that you need. And if you’re afraid to tell me the truth, just settle for a lie.

It’s about letting go without trying to catch every broken piece. It’s being awed by a sunset and hoping for a similar ending laced with such beauty. It’s like cutting off the dead ends, right ? -AMT