It’s been almost three years since that January morning felt like mourning and I haven’t been the same ever since. I asked my mom to sing me to sleep the other night- she laughed and said, “okay, my sunshine, as long as you rest”. My mind spilled all over the sheets- ran through the floorboards and flooded my home. Saltwater can sometimes taste sweet, even when you’re drowning in tears. I woke up swimming in the dark, until I finally let it wash over me. I asked God to turn it into holy water- I still don’t know if he did, but I’d like to think a part of me is saved. I still think about my father holding onto life like the wind holding onto the trees. I still think about how he made shallow breathing look as calm as still water. I still think about how his dark eyes moved mountains behind his pupils. Maybe mourning isn’t always meant to be seen. Maybe, it’s sometimes meant to be heard in lullaby. -AMT©️