I want to feel like I just walked through the door of my childhood home. I want to party and not feel guilty for failing my veins. I want to feel the dew coated grass feed my skin. I want to taste the stars again. I want to let myself love fully. I want to laugh wholly like I never lost it. I want to get better. I want to look cool again- watch my skin glow in the rain. The freckles on my knees make you stare at me like the sun. My laugh lines form in the center and it creates a map leading back to me. They can find it without even trying. I’m just a piece of the story that everyone feels. Book marked. A period at the end of a paragraph. The chapter that changed you. I’m not sure when I became a product of my grief- I was sad before it even ended. It’s infinite in all sorts of twisted ways. I’m staring in a mirror and the dark pools reach out to hold me- asks me, “what happened to us?” I wish I had an answer. I want to look cool again. I want to get better. I want to laugh wholly like I never lost it. I want to let myself love fully. I want to taste the stars again. I want to feel the dew coated grass feed my skin. I want to party and not feel guilty for failing my veins. I want to feel like I just walked through the door of my childhood home. -AMT©️