Always give.

He told me that rain always quenches the earth, but too much can drown it.

I’m running in and out of my subconscious. I’m not sure where the sadness ends and the happiness greets me. It feels too far away. When do I stop giving?

I’m overwatering plants in my garden and choking the flowers. I treat it like holy water- wanting everything to feel sacred. It’s too late for the bloom, but I’m counting dried up rose pedals on my fingertips, wishing for more.

I run back to myself in my dreams- open arms and no regrets. I remind myself that the world only takes. It never gives. It never gives. It never gives. So I give myself the grace I need. I remember that good people raised me and it feels so fucking far away. I hate that part of the story. I hate that my parents laughing together is now a memory. I hate the shock that rips through me when I talk about loss and how real it is for me. And if you were here, you’d tell me to put my fists down. You’d tell me give more to myself because I’m worth it. You’d tell me that rain always quenches the earth, but too much can drown it. -AMT©️