Today I woke up with a ringing in my ears- I wondered if it was you calling to say hello.

I’m falling to pieces like the dust on my windowsill that I can’t fucking bring myself to clean. It’s forming crop circles in the woodgrain. Sleeping in past the sunrise and I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not missing out on much- the birds will stretch their wings even if I’m still dreaming.

Light beams try to flood my room and drown me in a halo- but I can’t rise for such a moment when I’m made to set for the moon.

You always called this a form of sadness- my version of mourning. But, I called it shifting in a world that doesn’t know me. It’s the constant pull and push- you did this well. You enjoyed the sting. You sucked up every drop, even as it spilled over- always there for the taking.

Heard your teeth chattering through phone lines, but maybe that was the sound of your rib cage rattling? It’s doesn’t really matter, because you let lies spill off your tongue and ignored your heartache, anyways.

You know, I was fine with shallow words until I finally wasn’t. It was the constant blanks after sentences that felt too powerful to leave undone. The way the word friendship dripped from your lips like a threat. The finality in growing up that creates an eerie angst- it’s like surrendering to the nostalgia in order to hold onto a piece of the story. You never cared enough to remember.

And even though I still hate the mourning – I bet mine is more peaceful than yours. Feel the frost setting in to claim the autumn air. It’s just a bunch of seasons, you know. Does the cold still make your eyes sting?

Today I woke up with a ringing in my ears- I wondered if it was you calling to say hello. AMT