It’s so much more than rain. I hate the sea. Its endlessness haunts me. I always feel like I’m drowning while everyone else is floating aimlessly. Let the water puddle around my ankles as the sand pulls me back to safety. Tells the saltwater to stop there, because we both know what it’s capable of doing. I bet I can make the saltwater taste sweet but I’m too afraid to try. Ships crashing in seas I’ve never sailed. Maybe I’m much less than the waves in the ocean that stretch their arms to the sky- begging for some sort of peace in all this. Maybe I’m endless in my own sort of way. Maybe I’m insignificant to the sea. Tonight my mom talked about her parents. Told me how they never went to the beach. She talks about them everyday with heavy eyes and a smile that sinks into the laugh lines she wears so well. There’s such love in loss. It’s harder to lose a piece of you early on- it stunts the growing pains- makes it linger like an ocean inside you waiting to burst. I feel those hunger pangs in an empty hollow that’ll never be restored. Maybe I don’t need fixed. Im tired of trying to piece together a feeling from the past with broken hands. Watching everyone move along while I peel back the center of it all. Another sticky act of naivety that feels so comfortable. Trying to reclaim something that was never mine to own. I wonder what would happen if I turned my cheek to everything I have ever known. Finality is a an act of courage if you do it right, right? That’s what the world taught us in its own twisted way. Showed us that drowning is sometimes a choice. Maybe if you welcome the saltwater it’ll wash away every sin and heal every wound. Let yourself feel and embrace those waters all at once- it’s so much more than rain. AMT