Wipe the glitter from your palms- you have a fever, but swear you’re not sick. Crying in the middle of the bathroom floor at a party. The tears meet the tile floor and say, “hello, old friend”. It feels like you were in this exact spot not long ago, but it’s been awhile. Everyone knows that it’s been way too long.

I’m being pulled around the room like air escaping from my lungs and begging to come back in. I think everyone swallowed the key to watch me suffocate. I hate large crowds- I never used to be that way. I’m not sure when I became so sensitive to this, but I swear that the corner of a room feels safer for some reason.

I watch you scramble with your keys. It’s not even 7 and waterfalls are ready to burst behind your eyes- the glitter digging deeper into your skin- starting to become a part of your natural glow. This is the breaking and I’m the one meant to step in front of your avalanche. Let the first hit take me out in order to soften the blow for you- that’s how this works for us, right? You’ll feel better in a few days, I fucking promise.

I think we’re all just tired. I think this is too much. I think all the newness is feeling newer than we thought- but I fucking knew this would happen. We became ashes and the world is still trying to set us on fire. Nothing works that way. We all know that ashes can’t start over. I swear I still have the burnt taste under my tongue.

I pull you up like reflex. Just like we always do. You push, I pull and we fall, then stand back up together. We both swear it makes things feel less shitty, because it does- even for a moment. We ditch it all and think of new ways to fill the voids. Walk out into the dark- cool air. Leave the party like we never even showed up: I ask if you’re okay with that and you don’t even have to answer for me to know the truth. I think these moments mean everything after all that has happened. It’s just time- nothing more. The seconds growing and expanding until you forget that two years passed. Time only has power of you feed it and I vow to do no such thing.