I don’t feel like myself- It’s like I’m chasing a stranger. Falling all over people I haven’t even met. Make a wish on an eyelash, penny’s in fountains, blowing out birthday candles that aren’t even mine- wishing to find it. Do you think I can still find it? I know it’s somewhere inside me. If I search hard enough I’ll bleed all over the carpet that you just cleaned. You’ll see everything that makes my insides churn. All the bloody details sewn up tight to make me breath another day. It’s exhausting in its own, sick beauty. Tell me how to heal and I promise I’ll rehearse it like a goodbye. I’ll read in between the curves of each letter- and I’ll soak in the cursive because I know you have great handwriting. Let me eat the words like my favorite sin. Help me when I feel hopeless again and again and again. It’s all a maze forming crop circles in my mind- right after the bloom. Searching in those eerie fields. Let them wrap around me like a haunting I fear and crave. Watch me repent in the break of a drought because we all know the water turns holy eventually. Sinking deeper in the search. I only wander when I don’t feel like myself. -AMT