Let it encompass every part of me. Engulf these bones. Saturate my spirit. Bleeding flowers from my garden that I never nurtured enough- but weeds are flowers too. They’re still beautiful in their own way. They have to claw through the earth’s surface in order to bloom. Just like me. Just like me. Just like me. Lately I’ve been sleeping with my hands folded for prayer- except I don’t have much to say and I know Jesus is waiting. I heard he’s good to talk to but it’s the effort in my veins that keep pumping life through me – that counts, right . That’s the truth. I swear it is. I remember all the bad things like a wound that won’t heal- and whenever I walk into a crowded place I swear that’s all they see. I’m a sinner and a saint- both sides of my palm reaches for a halo to light this world up and destroy it all at once. Maybe it’s better off without that struggle. Maybe I surrender for a little while. Maybe my silence in it all will crash through the walls I’ve put up. It never will. It never will. It never will. When I scream “heal”, by body reminds me how to suffocate. And if I ever breath the same- come get to know me all over again. I promise to say hello again. Things are getting sad again. Teach myself how to heal like how I learned to crawl. My knees are there to support me when I fall- they always catch me. Bruised and swollen they still fight to keep me upright. And just like that I will let something like grace watch over me. Feed me in ways I don’t understand. Know when I’m ready to fall again. Stand up. Stand up. Stand the fuck up. Let it peel it’s way through the air like fog. Let it grow again. Let it encompass every part of me. -AMT