I’m awake in empty spaces where the room echos in silence. We were wide eyed and hungry. Youth rumbled in the background of our summer and we made it look invincible. I dared you to hold your hands still in moments where the earth was shattering and you made me catch myself without thinking. This is girlhood capsizing as the poison dug itself through from the center. This is staying up to watch the moon go to sleep. This is sloppy handshakes in our front yards. This is bottles that shattered in the backseat of your car. I felt it’s finality like I never knew I could. It stopped mid air as we were falling in love with the nighttime- letting our youth bloom in the light of each star. They too had an appetite for chaos and we raced them to the finish line. I wish we never had won. Now your palms are raised to the sky- pleading for mercy. And I lost my grip because my hands are broken. Still, I mange to carry. We manage to carry. All we ever do is carry. Bad things have a way of making life halt in a moment deemed unrecognizable. But that moment was everything. That moment dug through parts of us that once cradled our youth. It held us by the throats and reigned over us like the rain that drenched us when we got lost on the way home. Soaked through us until we couldn’t feel our palms. You looked up at me and said, “the world owes us nothing, so why give it everything?” I felt that run through my veins like the sickness. Watched it change me. peace leaving our bodies- an act of permanence. Try to rest in the memory of us daring the night to sleep before us. We always won. I wish we still could. I’m awake in empty spaces where the room echos in silence. -AMT