I fell forward and you stood in front of me to break the fall. I was face first in cement. Never felt balanced. Never liked the way Sunday’s made me feel. Never was able to stand up straight. Stumbled like how I choked on words- but you made it sound clear. Always safe with you and now I sit and stare. Watch you struggle for the same air I breathe. See the life of light let a flower bloom in darkness and you owned it. You created it. It was yours to hold. Watch you fall asleep. Smelling IV drips as the rhythm of your heart beat frightens me. Never thought I would hear it like this. Bit me like a rattlesnake except I can’t take your poison. Drop me off. Pick me up. Leave me still. This is no longer my haven. I knew it would end. I’d spend late nights in bars and came home to find you waiting up past nighttime. My guilt has dried empty. You wear it without regret. Neglected the fragile parts of you so that I could bloom into a flower. Like the daisies I wore in my hair the night you told me to trust in something bigger than me. I know I’m more than the shitty things. I know I was made to build things that can’t be broke, but right now I’m bending and breaking like I never have before. You’re numb and can’t keep this away from us. So we absorb it. Take the pictures off the wall and put them in a shadow box, but I’m not ready for you to be my shadow so I sit and stare. I’m not moving and I’m not grieving because a part of me is already gone too. Dig my roots back up until I twist them back to how I found them. I think a part of me thinks that you’ll always pick me up off the floor. Be still. Drunk and alone on a Sunday night as I fall into myself. Back into you. -AMT