I have a nicotine heartbeat. It flutters in a crippling way, but I know I’m still alive because I swear I feel the flowers bloom in spring. I live for that. My mouth is full of ashes because my words catch fire every time I speak. I’m an arsonist who can’t sit still because I live in darkness and scream flames in order to see light. Watch my lullabies burn through your memory as you fall asleep. The same shitty place where the same shitty people promised you an escape. Wake up to nicotine sweats because you’ll never have enough. I think this is enough. I hope I’m doing enough. I wonder if the world will tell me when enough is finality. Taste the embers until you become part of the burning thicket. You wouldn’t dare. Bonfire sunsets breaking through spring skies. You’ll find me there. Heart beating slowly, but purposefully. Full of nicotine like how you last remembered me. -AMT